Concerned about gas prices? He’s not.

idalyem:

thisnameisalwaystaken:

thisnameisalwaystaken:

ibeggedformercytwice:

jonnovstheinternet:

iwasateenagegary:

batwithbutterflywings:

sirisles:

dixiesaurer:

aaronwarner-anderson:

mongezeas:

g0kudera:

sarahdesdemona:

ninth-level-of-awesome:

I love how Tumblr teaches us how to be perfect criminals.

Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!”

Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband.

Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well.

You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA.

…I didn’t come up with these ideas, just what I’ve gleaned from reading on the internet.

i used to joke about Tumblr teaching us how to get away with murder, but fuck, man

the thing is when i see this i want to go kill a man just because i have the knowledge

thanks tumblr

Remember when you’re at the crime scene to wipe down all surfaces and then take the victims hands and touch things with them. Pick up cups and run the hands along table tops. A room with zero fingerprints is very suspicious.

If you live near the ocean you can drain the body and cut up the cadaver into small pieces then mix it all together with fish parts and dispose of it easily by pretending to chum the water for fish and sharks. Actually do chum the water a bit before dumping in your victim to be sure there are plenty of hungry fish around. Stick around and fish for a while so anyone who happens to see you won’t get suspicious. This way you don’t have any body parts lying around waiting to be dug up and identified. Plus you might catch a marlin or something.

PLUS YOU MIGHT CATCH A MARLIN

Jesus fucking christ Tumblr

This is great. But ya’ll forgot to make sure there’s nothing with your name in the trash that you dump yah body parts in.

If you can get your hands on some sodium hydroxide (e.g. from like a soap supply store, remember pay cash and use a fake name etc) this will totally screw the dna analysis from the blood if you spray the shit everywhere you wont even have to clean the blood at the scene up

AND, in prep the unlikely situation (if you didn’t follow these instructions correctly) your body is found, make sure you remove the mandible from the head and deposit it else where. Preferably a couple of miles (way over twenty I suggest) from where you hid the original body. 

The mandible is used in facial reconstruction a lot and without the mandible they cannot collect a clear picture of what your victim looked like. This was they cannot use missing persons as easily and if they do it would take them even longer. More than likely without the mandible, a massacred face, no teeth and burnt of fingertips you should be looking at your victim being a John Doe. For a very long time.

Oh and in case it hadn’t already occurred to you, buy a weapon to do the deed. Not an unusual weapon, not using a credit card, not in a main department store (preferably). I suggest everyday kitchen utensils or gardening equipment that would be common in most household homes. Look online and do some reason, the more popular a product the more you should use it. That way they can’t exactly look back at the sales records. 

And don’t keep that weapon in the house or anyway near your residence. Don’t even bury it with the main body. I’d bury it with the mandible myself. Make sure you leave no finger prints, wear gloves etc. This isn’t exactly rocket science so you should understand it quite easily.

If a knife is the murder weapon, wash it off with water and ammonia. The ammonia will make the blood impossible to identify. Make sure you wash the entire knife off, including the handle. You can dispose of the knife anywhere you want, but I would suggest tieing the knife to a tree with some kind of wire. The tree has to be fast-growing. The tree will grow around the knife, making it impossible to find.

Oh and for the actual murder, you have a pressure point directly below the tendons on your wrist. If it doesn’t kill them, they’ll be in too much pain to do anything. It should make the murder easier. 

I’m officially scare of you guys and oddly curious about if it will work out.

Also might be a good idea to not talk about murdering on social media just before commiting the act….you know…wait a year or two to let the post be buried in the overwhelming amount of information on the internet.

aisha-hoten:

STRUGGLES. TO. BREATHE.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

doctorwho:

thebbcisslowlykillingme:

mahlarchuck:

Am I the only one that thinks this says Moffat if you look at it in the mirror?

oh my god

This will be me during Jurassic Park 3D.

truth

wearing-sammy-to-the-prom:

princeharrehs:

princeharrehs:

omfg i just ordered pizza and as i was about to hang up i said love you out of habit and the guy said it back and after a whole minute of dead silence he just tells me that he hopes that i’m not expecting a discount on the pizza just cause we confessed our undying love for each other! oMFG!

guys! he sent me a note on one of the napkins and i just

I ship it

Thats awesome!

geniusbillionairesassmaster:

michelleisnotonfire:

theonewhowrites:

loki-dokey:

postordiea:

bendydicks:

You know how you get those posts with Americans and Brits bickering over freedom and tea and scones and spelling.
And the rest of us who aren’t from either country are just looking on like
oh just kiss already

WE. ARE. NOT. YOUR. OTP

GOD WE HAVE SHIPPERS

Bramerica.

#LIBERTEA

Wait so does that make Australia your lovechild or

Hahah libertea…

violasarecool:

streetlamplily:

themadhatter-steacup:

yaminerua:

bbc-is-pure-evilness:

thescienceofjohnlock:

jamthedevilbackinthebox:

thumbcramps:

Wow. I’m sure you’ve all seen this girl’s fantastic tardis dress floating around here the last week or so. She hand painted the inside and everything, and she just looks plain great. But of course, I see it posted on facebook, and the slew of comments begin.

I don’t think it’s a mystery as to why I, as a bigger girl, spend the week before a convention crying because I’m so nervous about what people are going to say about me just because I want to dress up and have fun like everyone else. And there is something really, really fucking wrong with that.

This girl is as beautiful as she is clever! If we on Tumblr are only good for one thing, it’s turning situations like this around! Let’s signal boost this and get it back to her so she knows how much we love it! ALLONZ-Y

Some need a reality check preferably with a baseball bat THIS FUCKING AWESOME and she is gorgeous.

This is amazing.

oh my god that is actually so amazing and creative. some people just can’t appreciate great things when they see it omg.

she’s so pretty and this is such a good idea…the dress

My first thought was “Wow! I wish MY chest were that big so I could wear strapless dresses and awesome costumes like that!”

Seriously. This is gorgeous. She definitely deserves praise for this. I’m glad to give her the little bit of it that can come from me.

Well, I mean, we always knew that people on Facebook weren’t as cool as on Tumblr.

And this girl is amazing, seriously. (And pretty, I don’t even know what these people are talking about)

This dress is awesome!

thesassylorax:

urainiumbombs:

metropoliskingdom:

osamhungergames:

ask-mr-makarastrider:

wolfstar-thunderfrost:

cairothelittlemermaid:

psifreezeomega:

buttassassino:

theslackerhero:

Remember when Nickelodeon had attempted suicide?

Remember when Nickelodeon had actual suicide?

Remmeber when they had Mpreg

remember when they had a gay couple

Nickelodeon:Pushing the boundaries since 1977

they put squidward in hell

remember when nickelodeon had spongebob watching porn

Spongebob seems to be the culprit in much of this…

Remember when Spongebob had an anal rape joke? 

Remember Rocko’s Modern Life?

Just. Rocko’s Modern Life. In it’s entirety.

Just rocko’s life in it’s entirety hahaha!

abluegirl:

Living Wall

These vegetated surfaces don’t just look pretty. They have other benefits as well, including cooling city blocks, reducing loud noises, and improving a building’s energy efficiency.What’s more, a recent modeling study shows that green walls can potentially reduce large amounts of air pollution in what’s called a “street canyon,” or the corridor between tall buildings.

For the study, Thomas Pugh, a biogeochemist at the Karlsruhe Institute of Technology in Germany, and his colleagues created a computer model of a green wall with generic vegetation in a Western European city. Then they recorded chemical reactions based on a variety of factors, such as wind speed and building placement.

The simulation revealed a clear pattern: A green wall in a street canyon trapped or absorbed large amounts of nitrogen dioxide and particulate matter—both pollutants harmful to people, said Pugh. Compared with reducing emissions from cars, little attention has been focused on how to trap or take up more of the pollutants, added Pugh, whose study was published last year in the journal Environmental Science & Technology.

That’s why the green-wall study is “putting forward an alternative solution that might allow [governments] to improve air quality in these problem hot spots,” he said.Compared with reducing emissions from cars, little attention has been focused on how to trap or take up more of the pollutants, added Pugh, whose study was published last year in the journal Environmental Science & Technology.

That’s why the green-wall study is “putting forward an alternative solution that might allow [governments] to improve air quality in these problem hot spots,” he said.

Full Gallery

Awesome!